Powell to Emeryville, approx. 11:13am - Grown Ass Man

Grown Ass Man: A tipster e-mailed us with the following: "spoken word dude talking to other dude. 'She's got a BA. I'm 14 units away. But my degree is better than hers. She's got a BA in psychology. Child psychology. But I'm a grown ass man.'"

Hollis-Amtrack to BART, approx. 5:48pm - Cuts Like a Knife

Cuts Like a Knife: There is a knife sitting on one of the seats in the back. It's a butter knife. Two people felt the need to warn the driver about the butter knife. One person went to grat lengths to describe the butter knife to whomever is on the other end of the phone conversation. This is not how we imagined the Al Qaeda Summer Spectacular.

O Editor! My Editor!: Dude is reading manuscripts, writing editing notes, and will eventually be editing so he can now "bill [himself] as an editor." Also, someone pulled a knife out of a shoe and threatened him for being gay. Now, that's a knife Summer Spectacular.

Powell to Emeryville, approx. 10:30 am - O Captain! My Captain!

O Captain! My Captain!: Currently, there is a driver on the Powell line who wears a shirt and tie with a captain's hat. He also gets on the PA system to announce stops and transfers. How awesome is that? Hurray to the Captain for being a consummate professional. Emery Go Round employee of the century!

Parti in the back: Total Posh, a.k.a. Victoria Beckham, clone with the same severe bob, same monochromatic wardrobe. From the back, though, you can clearly see her bad dye job. Her head is what animal breeders refer to as "parti color," (e.g., parti color Cocker Spaniel) with ash blonde, red, and blond patches. To paraphrase the Spice Girls song, "Make it last forever, bad dye jobs never end." (And that's from "Wannabe", by the way, Miss Wannabe Posh.) Plus, she has a job at the mall; probably from her all-black outfit, we'd venture to guess at Sephora. That's a little more posh than Fuddruckers, say, but still, she's no Victoria Beckham stomping around in her $900 shoes.

It's a Federal Law, assholes: If the vehicle is stopped but the rider is so old and shaky that he must hold the railing to walk to the back of the bus, then you assholes need to give up your seat up front. There are plenty of seats in the back. Get the fuck up and move. Let the old man sit by the door. What the fuck is wrong with you people? There are many lame federal laws, but yielding seats by the entrance to the elderly and the disabled is one everyone should follow. That old man should have smacked every single one of you pathetic assholes upside the head with his cane.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:10am - Shiloh Pitt

Shiloh Pitt: Spoonerisms aside, someone left a huuuge pile o' shit in front of the fare gates at MacArthur BART exit. Either the shitter or a poor unsuspecting commuter stepped in it and created a poo trail going up to the station. We wonder if someone had a Sunday night drinking binge and just couldn't make it to the BART bathroom or missed last BART all together, or if the shitter brazenly dropped trou during commute hours. Either way, shouldn't BART have cleaned up the pile o' shit immediately? Not only can one smell it from inside the station (sorry, fat old man in front of us in the escalator, we thought you sharted and glared at you...), the shit trail leading to the station means people are dragging shit on their shoes. Clean that shit up, literally. Sooooo not tres jolie. Not an Emery Go Round-related post, but newsworthy.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:36am - I Love the Smell of Hot Dog in the Morning

I Love the Smell of Hot Dog in the Morning: An apple-shaped woman gets on the shuttle with a hot dog. As soon as she sits down, a Hollis-Amtrak regular rider (old man always clad in jeans and denim jacket) gets up and mumbles something and moves to the rear of the bus. A friendly young woman tries to console the Hot Dog Lady by saying "It smells good!" Apparently, the old man was offended by the smell of encased meat and moved away. Hot Dog Lady proceeds to huff that hot dog at a rapid pace like she's been starving on a desert island. And the island she was on is definitely not Coney Island. If she were on Coney Island on July 4, she would have huffed 69 hot dogs and beat that Joey Chestunut. 69 because she's probably hard up for some dick as well as hot dogs.

Powell to Emeryville, approx. 9:40am - Good Morning Geology

Good Morning Geology: There is a new Emery Go Round driver who's on the Powell route who says "good morning" to everyone who comes on board. It's nice. He also puts three geodes on the floor between the driver's seat and the entrance to the shuttle. It is yet undetermined whether the geodes are there for ornamental or New Age spiritual purposes. Could his pleasant demeanor be the result of geode power?

Hey There Tranny Girl: Biological girls who dress and do their make-up like trannies are the worst. Camille Paglia would probably have something to say about this.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 9:30am - Claustrophobia

Claustrophobia: If you are what can be described, let's say, as "big boned," and there are many empty seats on the shuttle, why do you have to sit next to someone? And by "next to" we mean, halfway on top of us due to your big-bonedness. It's a hot day, and it is not enjoyable at all to have your pudgy, clammy cookie-dough flesh pour around us as it tries to find space. Shivers!!

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 9:45am - Laughter Isn't Best Medicine

Laughter Isn't Best Medicine: An old man with a cane takes a loooong time to get on the bus due to mobility issues. The driver chuckles at him. He says it's hard for him to get around. The driver says "Oh, it's fine." and continues chuckling. Um, ok, since when is it OK to laugh at old people who can't get around? Her friend who is hanging out or whatever in the seat closest to the door doesn't give a shit and sits there yapping away instead of offering the old man the seat. The driver for the Watergate shuttle talks to the Hollis driver from outside the door while smoking; they talk about "Art" getting suspended for a day or two. The old man fans at the cigarette smoke with his newspaper and makes a choking gesture. The Watergate driver walks away mid-conversation.

Stop Smoking, Bitches: Seriously, you people need to stop smoking right next to people at the shuttle stop. We don't want to inhale your carcinogens and we don't want to smell like an ashtray. How much of an inconsiderate asshole do you have to be to sit right next to someone and light up? What, you're from the 1950s? If you need to smoke, that's fine but step away from everyone else. We hate you anyway.

Hollis-Amtrack to BART, approx. 6:15pm

Hate the Robinsons: Pixar employees hating on Disney's Meet the Robinsons, especially the dinosaur fight.

PSA: Woodfin Town Hall Meeting

Tonight, there will be a celebration of the Woodfin Hotel workers' recent victories and a town hall meeting to discuss future strategies to fight for their rights:

Tuesday, February 20 at 7pm
Emeryville Senior Center
4321 Salem St
Emeryville, CA 94608

More information on this event here

Missed Connections: Home Depot

February 18, Home Depot - m4w - 38 As pretty as the day is long...

Powell to Emeryville, approx. 10:34am - Bar Fights!

Bar fights: "Yeah, it was two black dudes. There were two or three fights out front. He was really givin' it to him."

Missed Connections: Chevy's

February 15, asain gal at chevy's emerville Damn my shyness and inability to spell "Emeryville" correctly.

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 5:24 pm - Pop!

Pop: "My knee keeps popping. IT'S POPPING. POPPING!!! It's doing it right now! If it's permanent, I'm gonna have to go get padding or something."

Etiquette for a crowded bus: Surprisingly, many of you need to be told the following points. If you have a big bag or backpack, make sure you're not hitting people's heads as you walk down the aisle; it's close quarters and most people don't complain about it, but it's still rude. If you insist on reading the paper on a packed bus, fold it and don't spread it out into someone else's face. If you step on someone's foot, say "Excuse me." Move all the way to the back of the bus unless you're too short to hold on to the ceiling bars. Don't put your bag on an empty seat and offer your seat to old people, disabled people, and pregnant women.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:23am - Sex and the City

Sex and the City, dude style: One guy asks his two friends what they're doing tonight, then goes into a story about sending his girlfriend flowers yesterday. When he got home from work, she called to thank him. He reenacts the call in a falsetto: "Oh my gawd, you got me folwerrrrs!!!" The other guys seem to be congratulatory about a Valentine's Day well done; they don't talk about their plans, though. Later, one of the guys mentions his shoes are falling apart. "Vans used to be good. Not anymore...they fall apart." The Valentine's guy suggests, "Walmart, man. It's so cheap, good for 6 months, it's good." The other friend chimes in, "Payless!" Is it finally cool for guys to gush about romance and shoe shopping now?

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 6:05pm - Pissed

Pissed: A dude at the bus stop vents to his friend, "I just missed it. I'm pissed. PISSED. At least I didn't see it drive off. I'd be more pissed. You're right on time, though." Well, the friend probably just uses NextBus, which isn't foolproof, but does give you an idea of when to leave the office.

Neighborhood Watch: One guy has been living in the Mission since he moved to the Bay Area two years ago. He's getting sick of it. He's looking on Craigslist, but his lease actually doesn't expire until August. His friend lives in Russian Hill and wants to move where it's not so hilly and is closer to more "stuff."

Missed Connections: Ikea

February 13, IKEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - m4w - 40 Meet for coffee or more (we assume meatballs?)

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:33am - Twins

Twins: Two guys get on the shuttle at the same time. Similar navy-and-white sneakers, jeans, grey hoodie, and even an identical hair-loss pattern.

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 5:48pm - Unhappy Feet

Unhappy Feet: A woman is wearing flip flops. Let us remind you, it's February and it's a rainy day. To emphasize, it's February in the northern hemisphere, not the southern hemisphere. She has a big fuzzy coat, but flip flops on her feet. She complains: "I got up at 7:15 to get there on time. On Wednesday, I got there on time and he was late. He's a director. He should be organized!" Does that bitterness keep her feet warm in the winter rain?

Missed Connections: Emery Bay Cafe

February 12, Emery Bay Cafe - Saturday 2/10 around 1pm - w4m Gazes meeting over greasy eggs and hash browns.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:36am - "Sienna" and "Diddy"

"Sienna" and "Diddy": A few days back, there was a girl smoking a cig at the MacArthur BART stop, covering everyone with the stink. It seemed she was going for the Sienna Miller look. Today, she tries to channel Sienna Miller by bringing a Diddy stand-in. She's on the phone telling the caller, "I have company. I HAVE COMPANY. I HAVE COM-PA-NEEEE." She's eager to get off the phone as not to be rude to her man, but they said almost nothing to each other through their ride on the shuttle.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:51am - Milk & Cookies

Milk and Cookies?: Shoved into the console by the driver's seat is a baby carton of milk and a small paper sack, too small to be a grown man's lunch. It's the driver's mid-morning snack.

Dirty Bomb: A girl with a ponytail consisting of multicolored dreadlocks keeps shoving her thumb and forefinger into her nostrils to pinch and vigorously wiggle her septum. She also coughs a lot without covering her mouth. Usually, we'd use the phrase "with . . . dreadlocks" as a non-judgemental identifier, but in this case, we're not.

Missed Connections: Arizmendi

February 7, arizmendi emeryville - m4w Don't want to be that guy, but given the chance, I will be. By the way, the correct usage, we believe, is "all up in my grill."

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 6:21pm - What's Going On?

What's going on at the house?: A young lady talking on the phone: "I'm waiting for the Emery Go Round....Why don't you just go get her?...I'll just see you at the house." Another call a few minutes later: "I'm heading to the house. I'll see you there."

What's going on in the Mission?: A woman on the phone: "Ok, ok, ok, so I'll see you in the Mission."

Is Wednesday night the new Thursday night, which was the new Friday night a while back?

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:58am - Next Stop Please

Next stop, please: The dinger on Bus 102 is not working. Please call out your stops, and don't forget to say "please." Also, 59th Street at Horton is blocked off due to construction, so the 59th-Hollis/NHI stop is not being serviced in the Emeryville direction.

Missed Connections: Trader Joe's

February 5, Emeryville TraderJoe's This is for someone who brought his/her own bag.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 11:05am - Grounded

Grounded?: A young girl on her phone, "But that's what MySpace is for!" Most of the conversation is at low volume, but she raises her voice to say, "But I've been working my ass off!" and snaps her phone shut after a few moments of the person on the other end talking. No "bye," no "talk to you later." After the phone conversation, she sends a few text messages. Whatever responses she receives makes her smirk furtively. It's curious why a teen girl would be on the Hollis-Amtrak shuttle (instead of the ones that go to the mall) in the middle of the day.

An Abundance of Missed Connections: Starbucks, Ikea, Peet's

February 3, Jessica - Peet's Coffee in Emeryville - 39 Too busy being butch

February 5, Hot butch w/ salt & pepper hair in Starbucks - w4w Someone wants free coffee.

February 5, ikea - w4m - 21 My little black sweater said yes, but my mom said no.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 11:01am - Forgetful

City of Emeryville is forgetful: City Hall still has the flag at half staff. Did someone other than Gerald Ford die recently that would require the flag to fly half staff? The Flag Code says that unless a flag is illuminated, it should be taken down at night. Is someone putting it up at half staff every morning or do they just leave it up all night? In related news, Pixar's flag is not at half staff. Let's give them a good citizen merit badge for observing the 30-day rule.

Missed Connections: Trader Joe's

February 1, indie-rock boy with red flannel and grey mittens - m4m - 21 If you're real, tell me what I look like.

It seems Trader Joe's is quite the Emeryville missed connections epicenter. Maybe everyone should just go for broke and bust out their best pick-up lines instead of doing missed connections?

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 5:24 pm - Feminazi

Feminazi: "Are you on the 38? I'm waiting for the Emery Go Round....DO NOT MAKE A PIT STOP. DON'T STOP ANYWHERE. DO NOT STOP ANYWHERE." Who's on the other end? A child or a husband? Freaked out he's snogging the secretary like Mayor Newsom?

Missed Connections: Home Depot

January 30, Emeryville home de pot, 2pm - m4w - 25 Toilet flappers of love.

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 5:43pm - Don't Go Hungry

Don't go hungry: A young lady walks up to the bus stop with two grocery bags. She tells a guy who's already there that she planned to ride her bike home but she "went crazy at Berkeley Bowl." She needed chicken broth and other stuff. He asks if she "went hungry." She's confused for a sec, and he explains that if you go shopping hungry, you end up buying a lot. Later, she says she's usually at the seafood counter--is that a craigslist casual encounters code or something?

Emery Go Fug: A woman gets on the shuttle at the Pixar stop. She's wearing a very short denim skirt, and thigh-high leg warmers made of heathered dark gray wool that look obviously hand-knit. Did she visit grandma over Christmas in her short, short skirt and did grandma say, "Let me knit you a leg cozy since you like to wear slutty skirts"?! Seriously, they're the ugliest things ever: not even Kate Moss on her best fashion day can rock that hideous thing.

Missed Connections: Emeryville Fire Dept

January 30, My Emeryville Fireman.... - w4m - 29 He bats his lashes, women swoon.

Missed Connections: Bay Street?

January 29, you wish you owned that bag - m4w - 28 Cockblocked by dad and grandma. Hey guy, Bay Street wishes it sold handbags that could pwn Milan.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:20am - Pixar, Forgetful or Bummed

Pixar, forgetful or bummed about Gerald Ford: The flag on Pixar grounds is still at half staff. It's been exactly a month since Ford died. If the flag is still at half staff on Monday, they forgot about it. If it's not, then they know their Flag Code.

Missed Connections: Elephant Bar

January 25, Elephant Bar last night - m4m - 26 Two ships passing in a chain restaurant.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:48am - Gimme the Night

Gimme the Night: Around Pixar, George Benson's "Give Me the Night" comes on the radio and the driver's mood is lifted instantly. A woman in chef's whites is spray painting a tree branch white. He yells out at her, "Are ya getting ready for Christmas? Kinda early, innit?" and she smiles and waves. He also honks and waves at the UPS guy. It's like a Diet Coke commercial.

Face it, you're old: Is there a word for someone who looks/dresses young if you look at him/her from behind or neck down, but when you see the face, the person is old? A semi-hip woman wearing a vintage-ish green coat with a fur collar, short skirt, brown suede knee-high boots, and overstuffed red purse looked like she could be late 20s-30s from behind and neck down. Her face was like if Dita Von Teese's face melted: old and haggy with too much makeup in an attempt to disguise the hagginess. Or maybe she just needs a higher wattage light bulb in her bathroom so she can see exactly how much she's laying it on. Yikes.

Missed Connections: Emery Go Round rider

January 24, beautiful women short black curly hair - m4w A potential romance between daily EGR commuters!

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 5:45pm - Return of PPB

Return of the Ponytail Pretty Boy: Talking at (definitely not "to") another National Holistic Institute classmate. He's stressed out, wants to "go to jujitsu, go snowboarding, cook the salmon in the freezer." Boy, does this guy like to hear the sound of his voice, specifically the sound of his voice talking about jujitsu. There are awkward silences in the conversation. He asks a guy what time it is, then laments he will not be able to make it to the 6pm jujitsu class. Then, he says he would have asked if his female classmate would want to get a beer with him because he's not going to jujitsu but maybe some other night. He asks her if they're going to get lunch tomorrow. She says yes, with hesitation. Dude, she's not that into you. Maybe she'll be more receptive if she's put in a jujitsu half-nelson choke-hold. Also, unnatural jujitsu enthusiasm + NHI = Asian girl fetish? The girl was Asian.

MacArthur BART stop, approx. 10:53am - Business Up Top

Business up top, party on bottom: A Katie Holmes-ish (pre-brainwash, btw) young lady in a crisp, white shirt and a dark overcoat with too-sexy-to-be-businesslike fishnet stockings. #1 on her to do list for 1/24/2007 is: "Price out Martin's loan."

Not quite 20 questions: Every time the Hollis-Amtrak shuttle parks for a few minutes at MacArthur, at least two people come asking if it's the one that goes to the mall or to Powell Street. EGR needs to put up better signage for riders before the drivers go insane answering the same questions. It's driving us insane.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:28am - Is This Really Jazz?

Is this really jazz?: A very vanilla, chemically-castrated version of "Get Down on It" by Kool & the Gang on KKSF, the "smooth jazz" station. Just because a piece of musical gruel features a sax and has no vocals, it's jazz?

Wheelchair!: The driver secures a wheelchaired passenger at MacArthur BART. The Powell bus pulls up next to the Hollis-Amtrak, and the Powell driver says something to the Hollis driver. The Hollis driver replies, "Wheelchair!" The woman on the wheelchair, who was slumped over lifeless, springs up and says "WHAT?!" No one answers.

Missed Connections: Trader Joe's

January 21, trader joes - m4w - 36 You were some sort of jumpsuit

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:56am - Dog Accoutrements

Dog accoutrements: It's inevitable that people will dress up their little toy breeds, but is it necessary to put a dog backpack on a perfectly respectable purebred German Shepherd Dog who isn't a service animal? Debase yourself with a man purse if you insist, but don't do it to the dog.

Lover's Rock: A meat-n-potatoes looking guy surreptitiously rocking out to Sade's "Sweetest Taboo" on the radio. His inner whatever was really struggling against the repressive American machismo upbringing.

Celebrity Love Child: Dude looks like he's a hybrid of Justin Long (a.k.a. annoying Mac guy) and Cousin Larry from Perfect Strangers.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 11:01am - Eviction

Eviction: A few BART Police cruisers with lights flashing and what looked like a Caltrans truck, probably dismantling a camp of homeless people under the BART tracks right next to the MacArthur BART station. Two people sitting at the nearby bus shelter with shopping carts piled with their belongings. Not that any time is good for an eviction, but winter/rainy season is the worst time these people can get kicked out of a place they call home, isn't it?

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 5:05pm - A Couple at Odds

A couple at odds: The man says, "SHUT UP." The woman says, "Don't tell me to shut up. I bet you're eaten up by the guilt." Man walks away. The shuttle arrives. Woman gets on the shuttle by herself. Man gets on just as the shuttle is about to leave. Woman: "I thought you said you'll be back in a minute, you sunnovabitch." He whispers something, they laugh and semi-make out.

A couple at odds, the sequel: As the shuttle pulls into the left turn lane by Pixar, the woman says "So Pixar did move out!" (referring to the company's 2004 threat to leave Emeryville if it didn't get approval to expand by constructing three new buildings on its campus) Man whispers something and she asks, "So Disney bought Pixar?" More whispering, then an aha moment: "Ohhhh, so Pixar bought Walt Disney!"

Missed Connections: Hollis cyclist

January 11, hollis bike rider with guitar strapped to back - w4m Dear cyclist, you have been served with a "notice."

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:01am - Music on the EGR

Music on the Emery Go Round: Most shuttle drivers play KOIT or some other adult contemporary soft rock station. Today, the driver was playing what sounded like a Bollywood soundtrack on casette, but he popped it out before the shuttle reached San Pablo. We hope it wasn't because he thought the riders prefer soft rock. What he played was infinitely more interesting than the Luther Vandross song we've heard upteenth times on the Quiet Storm. There is also a driver who plays KCSM jazz on the Hollis route. That's better than the velvet Gitmo soft rock torture, too.

Missed Connections: Trader Joe's, Starbucks

January 9, A Man and His Dog - Near Starbucks - m4m Stranger in a red truck

January 10, Twas the day before Xmas and at Trader Joes - m4w He could cut off his ear and e-mail it to her?

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 5:50pm - A CSR's POV

A customer service rep's point of view: Even if a website puts the Xmas order cutoff date in "three-inch-high neon pink letters," people will still place their orders after the cutoff and then complain to customer service for not getting their stuff before Xmas. Their goal is to have 100% of people who call customer service to not call back with the same problem. But out of the tens of thousands of customers, less than one percent contact customer service with a complaint.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:45am - Geeks vs. the Cool Kids

Geeks vs. the Cool Kids: When the Powell/BART Shopper shuttle arrives at the MacArthur stop, all the hooky-playing truants and mallrats in trendy clothes get up to get on the bus. When the Hollis-Amtrak shuttle arrives, all the geeks get up. Case in point, a dude on the Hollis bus intently reading what looks like a D&D manual. For the Powell riders, D&D equals Dungeons and Dragons. It's a role-playing game, ok?

Missed Connections: Trader Joe's, Bay Street Mall

Do people who work in retail get laid all the time?

Januray 5, Abercrombie at Bay Street Emeryville - m4m U are really cute (Asian guy)

January 8, trader joes joe - w4m I regret not giving you my number, so I'll post a Missed Connections with no personal descriptions whatsoever.

MacArthur BART stop, approx. 10:50am - Hard to be Lazy

Hard to be Lazy: A young woman has a difficult time "being lazy" (i.e., "turning off the phone, sitting at home, etc."). In fact, she is on her way to class then to the "li-barry." A guy she knows buys $600 dollar outfits, though. She does not approve.

Missed Connections: TJ's, MacArthur BART

January 4, "The cute clerk at TJ's - m4w" Is it taboo to ask someone out at his/her place of work?

January 3, "MacArthur BART this afternoon - w4m" "Long and meaningful" eye contact

Powell to Emeryville, approx. 10:55am - Chile Rearing vs. Baggy Pants

Child rearing vs baggy pants: A young man holding a little girl in one arm, while trying to pull his baggy jeans up. As he gets off the shuttle, the pants slowly creep down to around his knees. He makes his way out with baby steps and pulls the pants back up.

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 5:55pm - Nerd Love

Nerd Love?: A guy enthusiastically summarizes five or six Twighlight Zone episodes to a girl. It's hard to tell if she is equally enthusiastic about hearing the summaries, or if her "really?", "yeah?", and "how did it end?" rejoinders are half-hearted. She admits she is freaked out by the ventriloquist episode.