Powell to Emeryville, approx. 11:13am - Grown Ass Man

Grown Ass Man: A tipster e-mailed us with the following: "spoken word dude talking to other dude. 'She's got a BA. I'm 14 units away. But my degree is better than hers. She's got a BA in psychology. Child psychology. But I'm a grown ass man.'"

Hollis-Amtrack to BART, approx. 5:48pm - Cuts Like a Knife

Cuts Like a Knife: There is a knife sitting on one of the seats in the back. It's a butter knife. Two people felt the need to warn the driver about the butter knife. One person went to grat lengths to describe the butter knife to whomever is on the other end of the phone conversation. This is not how we imagined the Al Qaeda Summer Spectacular.

O Editor! My Editor!: Dude is reading manuscripts, writing editing notes, and will eventually be editing so he can now "bill [himself] as an editor." Also, someone pulled a knife out of a shoe and threatened him for being gay. Now, that's a knife Summer Spectacular.

Powell to Emeryville, approx. 10:30 am - O Captain! My Captain!

O Captain! My Captain!: Currently, there is a driver on the Powell line who wears a shirt and tie with a captain's hat. He also gets on the PA system to announce stops and transfers. How awesome is that? Hurray to the Captain for being a consummate professional. Emery Go Round employee of the century!

Parti in the back: Total Posh, a.k.a. Victoria Beckham, clone with the same severe bob, same monochromatic wardrobe. From the back, though, you can clearly see her bad dye job. Her head is what animal breeders refer to as "parti color," (e.g., parti color Cocker Spaniel) with ash blonde, red, and blond patches. To paraphrase the Spice Girls song, "Make it last forever, bad dye jobs never end." (And that's from "Wannabe", by the way, Miss Wannabe Posh.) Plus, she has a job at the mall; probably from her all-black outfit, we'd venture to guess at Sephora. That's a little more posh than Fuddruckers, say, but still, she's no Victoria Beckham stomping around in her $900 shoes.

It's a Federal Law, assholes: If the vehicle is stopped but the rider is so old and shaky that he must hold the railing to walk to the back of the bus, then you assholes need to give up your seat up front. There are plenty of seats in the back. Get the fuck up and move. Let the old man sit by the door. What the fuck is wrong with you people? There are many lame federal laws, but yielding seats by the entrance to the elderly and the disabled is one everyone should follow. That old man should have smacked every single one of you pathetic assholes upside the head with his cane.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:10am - Shiloh Pitt

Shiloh Pitt: Spoonerisms aside, someone left a huuuge pile o' shit in front of the fare gates at MacArthur BART exit. Either the shitter or a poor unsuspecting commuter stepped in it and created a poo trail going up to the station. We wonder if someone had a Sunday night drinking binge and just couldn't make it to the BART bathroom or missed last BART all together, or if the shitter brazenly dropped trou during commute hours. Either way, shouldn't BART have cleaned up the pile o' shit immediately? Not only can one smell it from inside the station (sorry, fat old man in front of us in the escalator, we thought you sharted and glared at you...), the shit trail leading to the station means people are dragging shit on their shoes. Clean that shit up, literally. Sooooo not tres jolie. Not an Emery Go Round-related post, but newsworthy.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:36am - I Love the Smell of Hot Dog in the Morning

I Love the Smell of Hot Dog in the Morning: An apple-shaped woman gets on the shuttle with a hot dog. As soon as she sits down, a Hollis-Amtrak regular rider (old man always clad in jeans and denim jacket) gets up and mumbles something and moves to the rear of the bus. A friendly young woman tries to console the Hot Dog Lady by saying "It smells good!" Apparently, the old man was offended by the smell of encased meat and moved away. Hot Dog Lady proceeds to huff that hot dog at a rapid pace like she's been starving on a desert island. And the island she was on is definitely not Coney Island. If she were on Coney Island on July 4, she would have huffed 69 hot dogs and beat that Joey Chestunut. 69 because she's probably hard up for some dick as well as hot dogs.

Powell to Emeryville, approx. 9:40am - Good Morning Geology

Good Morning Geology: There is a new Emery Go Round driver who's on the Powell route who says "good morning" to everyone who comes on board. It's nice. He also puts three geodes on the floor between the driver's seat and the entrance to the shuttle. It is yet undetermined whether the geodes are there for ornamental or New Age spiritual purposes. Could his pleasant demeanor be the result of geode power?

Hey There Tranny Girl: Biological girls who dress and do their make-up like trannies are the worst. Camille Paglia would probably have something to say about this.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 9:30am - Claustrophobia

Claustrophobia: If you are what can be described, let's say, as "big boned," and there are many empty seats on the shuttle, why do you have to sit next to someone? And by "next to" we mean, halfway on top of us due to your big-bonedness. It's a hot day, and it is not enjoyable at all to have your pudgy, clammy cookie-dough flesh pour around us as it tries to find space. Shivers!!

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 9:45am - Laughter Isn't Best Medicine

Laughter Isn't Best Medicine: An old man with a cane takes a loooong time to get on the bus due to mobility issues. The driver chuckles at him. He says it's hard for him to get around. The driver says "Oh, it's fine." and continues chuckling. Um, ok, since when is it OK to laugh at old people who can't get around? Her friend who is hanging out or whatever in the seat closest to the door doesn't give a shit and sits there yapping away instead of offering the old man the seat. The driver for the Watergate shuttle talks to the Hollis driver from outside the door while smoking; they talk about "Art" getting suspended for a day or two. The old man fans at the cigarette smoke with his newspaper and makes a choking gesture. The Watergate driver walks away mid-conversation.

Stop Smoking, Bitches: Seriously, you people need to stop smoking right next to people at the shuttle stop. We don't want to inhale your carcinogens and we don't want to smell like an ashtray. How much of an inconsiderate asshole do you have to be to sit right next to someone and light up? What, you're from the 1950s? If you need to smoke, that's fine but step away from everyone else. We hate you anyway.

Hollis-Amtrack to BART, approx. 6:15pm

Hate the Robinsons: Pixar employees hating on Disney's Meet the Robinsons, especially the dinosaur fight.

PSA: Woodfin Town Hall Meeting

Tonight, there will be a celebration of the Woodfin Hotel workers' recent victories and a town hall meeting to discuss future strategies to fight for their rights:

Tuesday, February 20 at 7pm
Emeryville Senior Center
4321 Salem St
Emeryville, CA 94608

More information on this event here

Missed Connections: Home Depot

February 18, Home Depot - m4w - 38 As pretty as the day is long...

Powell to Emeryville, approx. 10:34am - Bar Fights!

Bar fights: "Yeah, it was two black dudes. There were two or three fights out front. He was really givin' it to him."

Missed Connections: Chevy's

February 15, asain gal at chevy's emerville Damn my shyness and inability to spell "Emeryville" correctly.

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 5:24 pm - Pop!

Pop: "My knee keeps popping. IT'S POPPING. POPPING!!! It's doing it right now! If it's permanent, I'm gonna have to go get padding or something."

Etiquette for a crowded bus: Surprisingly, many of you need to be told the following points. If you have a big bag or backpack, make sure you're not hitting people's heads as you walk down the aisle; it's close quarters and most people don't complain about it, but it's still rude. If you insist on reading the paper on a packed bus, fold it and don't spread it out into someone else's face. If you step on someone's foot, say "Excuse me." Move all the way to the back of the bus unless you're too short to hold on to the ceiling bars. Don't put your bag on an empty seat and offer your seat to old people, disabled people, and pregnant women.

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:23am - Sex and the City

Sex and the City, dude style: One guy asks his two friends what they're doing tonight, then goes into a story about sending his girlfriend flowers yesterday. When he got home from work, she called to thank him. He reenacts the call in a falsetto: "Oh my gawd, you got me folwerrrrs!!!" The other guys seem to be congratulatory about a Valentine's Day well done; they don't talk about their plans, though. Later, one of the guys mentions his shoes are falling apart. "Vans used to be good. Not anymore...they fall apart." The Valentine's guy suggests, "Walmart, man. It's so cheap, good for 6 months, it's good." The other friend chimes in, "Payless!" Is it finally cool for guys to gush about romance and shoe shopping now?

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 6:05pm - Pissed

Pissed: A dude at the bus stop vents to his friend, "I just missed it. I'm pissed. PISSED. At least I didn't see it drive off. I'd be more pissed. You're right on time, though." Well, the friend probably just uses NextBus, which isn't foolproof, but does give you an idea of when to leave the office.

Neighborhood Watch: One guy has been living in the Mission since he moved to the Bay Area two years ago. He's getting sick of it. He's looking on Craigslist, but his lease actually doesn't expire until August. His friend lives in Russian Hill and wants to move where it's not so hilly and is closer to more "stuff."

Missed Connections: Ikea

February 13, IKEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - m4w - 40 Meet for coffee or more (we assume meatballs?)

Hollis-Amtrak to Emeryville, approx. 10:33am - Twins

Twins: Two guys get on the shuttle at the same time. Similar navy-and-white sneakers, jeans, grey hoodie, and even an identical hair-loss pattern.

Hollis-Amtrak to BART, approx. 5:48pm - Unhappy Feet

Unhappy Feet: A woman is wearing flip flops. Let us remind you, it's February and it's a rainy day. To emphasize, it's February in the northern hemisphere, not the southern hemisphere. She has a big fuzzy coat, but flip flops on her feet. She complains: "I got up at 7:15 to get there on time. On Wednesday, I got there on time and he was late. He's a director. He should be organized!" Does that bitterness keep her feet warm in the winter rain?

Missed Connections: Emery Bay Cafe

February 12, Emery Bay Cafe - Saturday 2/10 around 1pm - w4m Gazes meeting over greasy eggs and hash browns.